How to Heal a Broken Heart




Broken Hearts in Need of Healing

I didn’t know my heart was broken and needed healing. Do you?

There were two times in my life that I cried as if my heart were broken, but I was so caught up with my feelings at the time, I never realized that the tears came from a heart broken when I was very young.

The second time occurred at the end of a five-year relationship. Looking back, I realize that I entered it with a quiet desperation that was not quite conscious. In short, I was love-starved and didn’t know it.

I can see how obsessed I was about spending time with him. I even left my children, ages 9 and 12, for weekends so I could spend time with him. It’s difficult not to cringe as I write this.

We spent quiet times together, listening to music and playing music, walking around the town and countryside where he lived. Both being conflict-avoidant we never fought. It was good.

What Happens to You When Your Heart Breaks?

Five years into the relationship, he emerged from his deep introversion to tell me how he was looking at his future. After listening carefully, I asked, whether his future included me. He said No.

For weeks after that, I’d cry in the evening, desperate and uncontrollably. I usually called him because I wanted solace. I never found it through these conversations so I called less and less.

Some mornings it was difficult to get to work, but I’d pull myself together before I saw my first client on the UC-Berkeley campus. One morning before the day started several of us gathered to take a picture. I remember uncharacteristically holding a friend, a surprise to both of us. I was almost embarrassed by this unusual need to be held.

Grief and sadness had taken over, and I had little control.

What It Means When You Cry Uncontrollably

I realize later that I wasn’t crying for this one occasion of a loss but for many others. I had never cried about losses of love before.

How did I end up this way? My first marriage wasn’t a happy one. I realize that many of my actions after I left my first husband were shocking and irresponsible. The only way I understood it was that my heart, desperate for love, was grasping for love in whatever form it came.

Decades later, after much spiritual and personal development work, I realize that I’ve carried a broken heart for most of my life.

You Were Too Young When You Had Your First Broken Heart

I trace it back to when my young life changed after the birth of my twin sisters when I was 2 years and 2 months old.
How do you know whether you have a broken heart?

Many of us with few exceptions have an interruption in attention and caring when quite young. For many, it’s obvious since you grew up in a difficult family, with one or more parents abusive and angry, and often alcoholic.

For others, the sense of being separate and alone came amidst a normal family life. Perhaps mother became ill or someone in the family died—any event that resulted in all attention going elsewhere.

How you know that your heart needs healing
• You don’t have a sense of self-worth. In short, you lack confidence and have low self-esteem
• You constantly want people’s approval—you are a people-pleaser
• You over-achieve and try to accomplish too much.
• You’re quietly miserable
• Everyone knows you’re miserable.
• You are stressed and overwhelmed
• You don’t feel loved
• You feel alone
• You’re addicted—to alcohol, shopping, eating, not-eating, busyness, smoking
• You over-react with anger
• You are anxious and fearful
• You don’t like the people around you
• You are bored with life
• You are confused by life
• And so on

The sense of security and being cared for are basic foundations for living a full life. If you never had these basic experiences, you focus on finding the security in fame or fortune or relationship, and on being cared for by looking for love in relationships, romantic and friendships.

You Lose Your Way When Your Broken Heart Remains Unhealed

Unless you heal your heart, much goes awry in your pursuits in life. You keep repeating your patterns even though they don’t get you what you want.

Each one of my adult relationships came from men choosing me. Believing I was no prize, I was easily seduced by the attention. I kept forgetting that I wanted to be the chooser, until my present relationship. He wanted a “conscious” relationship—I wanted that too.

For the last five years I decided that I could find a business online. I bought so many “shiny objects,” tried many trainings and programs, and created many blogs. I kept repeating this pattern: searching, excited about this new possibility, and having very little success. Thousands of dollars, thousands of hours invested and failing, yet I kept on the gerbil wheel.

All the things I tried were about someone’s idea of success, someone’s method of success.

It was not until I decided to start with the belief that I had something unique to offer that things changed. The certainty, the inspiration, and the support have been nothing short of miracles.

Heal the Inner Children for Love, Joy, and Clarity

Although I still experience moments of fear and self-doubt, they are only moments. Mostly I believe in myself, my gifts, and my life purpose. In the last year I had many opportunities to gather my “lost” inner children to gather the pieces of my broken heart.

The process I used to heal my heart is found in my book, Listen to the Cries of Your Heart. This book, born out of inspiration, and supported by people who appeared as the perfect editor, designers, artist, workshop participant, endorser, can be a resource for you.

The Child-Heart work that was started about a year and a half ago is powerful. Here are testimonials from those who have experienced it:

“Working with Dr. Uemura has unearthed a previously hidden treasure chest filled with emotions, memories, and insights that I did not realize were there or had any clue how to process. She has helped me to safely recover lost aspects of childhood, heal that which has long been neglected or ignored, and feel empowered to create a joyful and fulfilling life.”—Connie

“It has been some of the most healing work and allowed me to live with deeper clarity and love.” Debbie

“It’s not the first time my adult accessed my inner child that way. But it sure got me there faster than the twenty-odd years of extensive research, fifty years of soul searching, and the list of therapies I’ve done. The other great piece is that I know what still gets in my way.”—holistic massage therapist

“I literally feel as though I am another person . . . I feel a new freedom and buoyancy. A sense of possibility and movement.”—Diane

Now is the Time to begin a Journey to Heal Your Broken Heart

We will gather as a tribe to heal our hearts and help others on the same journey.

Members will share their challenges, their stories, their pain and their triumphs in the Home for Healing Hearts. We will connect and interact to create a sense of community and support.

The healing power of our community will be part of the healing of humanity.

You are Invited to Join the Home for Healing Hearts.

1 thought on “How to Heal a Broken Heart”

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