Young hurt inner children may be suppressed but can be seen in your adult life when they are triggered–
*want to be invisible or disappear.
The adult may not realize that these reactions of anger, fear, and grief, ranging from quiet to strong, come from very early parts. They are signs of suppressed inner children.
What are the signs of the suppressed inner child?
The signs of the suppressed inner child are chronic emotional responses, often subtle, to how others and life is treating them.
Anxiety especially in new situations; resistance to participating in new things
Worry–never feeling secure in having enough money, for example
Being stuck in a career, relationships or any activity in these realms—signs of boredom
Frustration where there’s little ability to say NO to someone or a situation
Annoyance, irritation because Anger is too disturbing and ugly to have
Jealousy/envy that hides a sense of low self-esteem and of not deserving what others have
Grief or sadness or a general despondency that doesn’t go away
My story of almost lifelong suppression of Anger
In the last year with the results of MAP (Manifest All Possibilities/Make Any Possible) work, I now see how suppression of anger caused effects that profoundly changed my outer actions and my inner sense of myself. Let me describe some events and my reactions.
1) In intermediate school, I had a best friend who was very likable and popular. One day mutual friends accused me of being hurtful to her and interfered with my efforts to reach her. They kept close to her at school and at her home, keeping me from contacting her. Soon afterward they found me after school and told me that I was going to be tried—it happened and I was found guilty. I suppressed all my negative feelings so that it was easy to decide to forgive them—I was then a new Christian.
2) In the middle of my 8th-grade year, a group of 5 students was tested and found gifted. We were going to skip a grade. I, a good daughter who never expressed needs, asked my parents to allow me to stay with my friends. The answer was No. I felt nothing in response to having something denied me that was very important.
3) Looking back, I see that I suppressed my emotions, especially my anger. I now understand why I felt as if I was living in a fog through high school, college, and the decades after. It was as if I lost more than half my life energy.
With MAP (Manifest All Possibilities) I am able to see the parts that showed up at that time to hold the pain of being disowned/disrespected by so-called friends. And that were associated in experiencing my parents’ No.
Although I couldn’t reclaim those decades of being in a fog, I was able to treat all these young angry parts with MAP to free myself from all associated limitations from those parts. I live from believing that I am of value, worthy of respect and love.
Who is likely to have suppressed inner children?
Most adults—but they are more easily seen in certain groups as described below.
*People pleaser–they focus on getting the approval of others to the exclusion of their needs
*Those who serve others—in the helping professions such as counselors, nurses, teachers—who provide what they need themselves in their service to others.
*Sensitives, including empaths—who were not accepted for their unusual gifts, and learned to hide their gifts and are caught in a world of sufferers.
*Perfectionists—who so caught up in fulfilling their high standards that nothing else is of concern, especially in the emotional realm.
*Introverts—who may take little space in their world, and express little to others and themselves
*Members of certain cultural groups that discourage individuality–Asian cultures based on Confucianism place a priority on groups, communities, and the nation. Individuality can be an obstacle to group identity and cooperation. It’s easy to learn to suppress emotions such as anger that brings attention to one individual.
Why Inner Young Child-Parts Create Defenses
Child-Parts are created early in life when the infant or young child experiences trauma, obvious and subtle. For example, imagine how a child feels when her mother screams: “I never wanted you in the first place.” Or, for some innocent reason, she wasn’t attending to your needs for warmth, holding, comfort, food. Or, a sibling is born or becomes very ill.
The trauma is about being separate from feeling love and safety.
So much can happen to the young being who is experiencing separateness:
*Aloneness—I sense a “me,” and it’s only me.
*Fears—what’s going to happen to me
*Confusion—what do I do? What can I do? Where is the help I need?
*Anger—NO, I don’t want this; I want what I had.
*Grief—crying for the sense of loss and emptiness
The Results of Early Trauma in the Young Child
In order to manage and “make sense” of the experience, the young child first finds a way of hiding the pain of separation.
*Walling up the heart
*Creating beliefs about what life is
*Creating beliefs about who s/he is
–to take responsibility for what happened—I’m to blame for this happening
–to depend on only self because dependence leads to hurt
–about how to be in the world to prevent hurt from happening again
Defenses of Pushing down or away
You may not discover any of the above unless you appreciate how the common defenses work—suppression, repression, denial.
Suppression or repression can be found in many who are struggling in life, relationships, career. These defenses are used to deal with experiences and emotional reactions that are too overwhelming. But since they are subconscious, the adult is unaware of these parts that oppose the main adult personality.
All the adult knows is that emotional upset-ness is unpleasant, very embarrassing, a sign of weakness and wants to hide it from self and others.
The Importance of Recognizing the Signs or Cries
Yet to continue to run away from emotionality keeps the adult stuck because the emotional triggers come from the heart that is hurt. In response to the early hurt, the young heart built a wall so no one gets close enough to hurt again.
Trust was broken in the early trauma so that the adult can’t completely trust anyone.
The adult is stuck because the parts created in early trauma have limited beliefs. The parts resist change. The adult is in conflict, struggles, and is unable to move forward because of these young parts.
How the process of MAP helped me to recover what I suppressed
Since using the MAP (manifest all possibilities) I’ve found a very powerful to work with the lost inner children.
MAP is based on being able to work with the subconscious to treat the many parts that were created in response to trauma. The parts are the inner children.
Dr. Garry A Flint who created the many procedures on which MAP is based studied the subconscious for 12 plus years, findings ways to treat the most difficult patients. He chose patients with dissociative disorders, often working with those who suffered at the hands of cults.
Those familiar with the terms “split personalities” or Three Faces of Eve know how dramatic intense events in a child’s young life create “alters” or parts that respond to a particular trauma. These Alters often aren’t known to each other. They can take over the main personality at certain times, probably when the main personality is triggered.
Common examples of this mechanism are found in war veterans with their PTSD diagnosis.
In functioning adults, rather than having splits and unconscious takeovers, the parts also show up when triggered (an event similar to the original trauma such as rejection). These parts were also created to deal with early trauma. They are clearly present when the adult is conflicted—parts are not in agreement.
With the MAP process, the subconscious or the SuperConscious is trained to treat trauma, to neutralize and release negativity from experiences and memories. Once a part is treated it is integrated with the main personality, so all can experience more satisfaction and less pain.
I, my fellow MAP practitioners, friends and family, and clients of mine have used MAP to release negativity in experiences, beliefs, and strategies to free the adult of struggles and conflicts.
Inner Child Work Used with MAP Procedures
Sometimes when judged appropriate I include some inner child work which involves the adult being present and compassionate with a younger self:
*to give them a corrective experience of being connected rather than feeling alone
*to feel safe enough to open the secrets kept in the young hearts—the overwhelming pain especially
*to have needs acknowledged, to be comforted, and loved met for the first time
Treating the “lost” inner children softens the defenses around the heart
Powerful Deep Results of MAP
The journey to and with my heart, to be with my young “lost” inner children helps to soften my heart, to become undefended…a journey home to Oneness
I’m seeing that having more and more parts treated has “thawed” my frozen heart so that I can feel my heart’s responses more easily and clearly.
Unfortunately for my partner, the anger is present in annoyances and irritations, and too often it shows up as my less-than-kind responses to him. There are young parts still showing up.
Yet I can also feel the connections of heart more easily too. Recently I told the story of being with Don Miguel Ruiz shortly after his heart attack when he emerged to be public again. He was pure love. It was at lunch when I approached him to hug and see him eye to eye. I felt the love connection recently when I told this story recently–the beautiful connection that I didn’t feel years ago.
Also when I acknowledged a friend as I was doing a live video in my FB group, my heart responded to our connection, bringing tears to my eyes. And it was just this week that I felt the connection that we have.
The Healing Journey to the Suppressed Inner Child is Possible
When memories, experiences are suppressed those consciously seeking healing run into the barrier created where they can’t remember any early trauma. Many say “I had a good childhood.” They are not telling the complete story.
If child-parts are wounded and all memories are suppressed how can you heal?
Although memories might not be there, signs of the suppressed child especially beliefs and strategies can be seen for those looking.
These are described earlier.
MAP (make anything possible) is powerful because SuperConscious can treat the parts to neutralize the pain and negativity. And also SuperConscious can treat them as the source of limiting beliefs–even with beliefs that come from the fields or information/influence from culture, in my case, from my Asian or Japanese system of beliefs and values.
MAP can also treat the parts responsible for patterns of behaviors such as:
approval-seeking, of being the expert, the know-it-all, of seeking to be the best, of being fiercely independent.
Because MAP uses the trained subconscious, its reach is far and deep.
copyright, Anne K Uemura PhD, 3/2020